Posts Tagged ‘Conflict’
You Thought Your Marriage Was Miserable- Wait Till You Get to Court…
The breakup of a marriage almost always involves some level of conflict between spouses, but the process of litigation during divorce ratchets that conflict up to a level of devastation for all members of the immediate and even extended family. Instead of getting away from the turmoil by divorcing, the adversarial nature of a legal “fight” can actually create permanent emotional and financial damage. If the goal of divorce is to stop the daily conflict, then the process should reduce that conflict while helping establish better relationships for the children and their parents. We will discuss how parents can create an emotionally supportive divorce that promotes a healthy relationship between themselves and a loving future for their children.
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How to Have Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When the Stakes are High
Crucial Conversations exist when the stakes are high, opinions vary, and when emotions run strong and it is in these conversations where our greatest potential lies, we will discuss ways to handle these conversations in a healthy and productive way. Crucial Conversations creates a new language around communications and how they can best be handled. It approaches the issue in a very human way that stimulates our desire to relate to others while feeling good about us. You will read some real and concrete methods for getting control of yourself and staying focused through those challenging moments that pop up in everyone’s life.
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Managing Conflict in Your Blended Family
Raising children in a blended family can be challenging, frustrating, and overwhelming at times. It can be a real test of endurance to manage to stay together through some of the tough times that can erupt with your stepchildren. It can also be a time of growth and lasting relationships. Join Kim Abraham, Marney Studaker-Cordner and Zena Zumeta to hear how conflict is actually an opportunity to teach your children – step and biological – values and skills to last a lifetime.
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Community Mediation: Empowerment and Dialogue
In many communities around the country there are community mediation centers supported by volunteer mediators. Community Boards of San Francisco is the oldest community mediation center in the country, started in 1976. The philosophy of community mediation centers is to empower community members to resolve their own disputes rather than resorting to courts or other outsiders to do it for them. Participants in mediation have found that the process helps them feel heard, and increases their understanding of themselves and the other person as well. Community Boards has handled thousands of cases in its 36 year history, and has helped 85% of those who use their mediation services reach a successful agreement.
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Did you see what she posted? Tips for Teenage Tiffs, Fights and Quarrels Online
I am standing in the checkout line at a clothing store the other day when I overheard two teenage girls discussing a recent fight they had with another girl, “Emma” on social media. Apparently, Emma tweeted an ambiguous quote about being a bad friend, and one of the girls knew she was directing the comment at her, despite Emma not using her name, because of the pictures she had recently posted with a boy Emma use to date. The other girl responded that Emma always puts stuff online but won’t ever say things to your face. The girl who was offended by Emma’s ambiguous quote responded, ” Yeah I know, I am seriously about to unfriend her...”
The interaction between these two girls brought up several concerns for how teens interact online.
The first concern is jumping to conclusions about what you read online. The two girls had no idea whether Emma was talking about them or not when she posted the quote. The girl assumed it was about her and rather than asking Emma directly; she jumped to conclusions.
The second concern piggybacks off the first. One girl stated, “Emma always does this stuff online but won’t say things to your face.” Again, there isn’t direct communication to check out those assumptions. On one side of the coin, the internet and social media gives people who are shy, introverted or even conflict averse, a voice. This can be good. On this other side of the coin it can be bad. This leads to my 3rd concern.
My third concern with this interaction is that without any dialogue between Emma and the girl who is offended, Emma is willing to “unfriend” her and end their friendship. The public nature of social media and the peer pressure to take action not only leads to false conclusions but hurt feelings, misunderstood intentions, and unnecessary conflict.
An article by Amanda Lenhart from Pew Research Center highlights some interesting statistics regarding social media, conflict and friendships. Lenhart shares, “About one-in-four teens (26%) have fought with a friend because of something that first happened online or because of a text message.” Another statistic Lenhart expounds, “58% of teens who are on social media or have a cell phone have unfriended or unfollowed someone that they used be friends with.”
Technology brings a lot of good to the world, but the conflict I overheard is a part of the bad it brings. The conflict discussed brings up a concern for the rising adolescent generation who have never known the world without cell phones and the internet. The majority of teen’s interactions appears to be in these two forums. Consider this. When vague comments set you off, or you view a picture online that stirs up drama, or you are unfriending anyone you are in conflict with, what will come of that relationship? If you were on the receiving end of being unfriended or unliked, how would you have preferred that friend to have handled the situation?
The best advice: Go offline; Put Down the Phone; and Have a Face – To -Face Conversation.
I am not suggesting remove yourself from social media and completely go off the grid, which for many of you teenagers would experience as a form of torture. However, we see information online and jump to conclusions; take what you read and see it at face value. It is important to remember that you have more confidence to say whatever you think and feel online and in text than face – to – face. The ending of a friendship online does not resolve the conflict offline. Just because you can no longer see your friend’s statuses, tweets, or photos doesn’t mean you don’t see them in person and still have to deal with the perceived conflict.
Quick tips:
* People are more willing to talk openly with you when you are one – on- one. Pull the person aside privately and directly ask if you have done something to offend them. Simply ask “I saw a post and wanted to know, have I done something to make you upset?”
* Raising a conflict face-to-face makes many people uneasy. After the initial inquiry, regardless of whether the post was about you or not, then simply state,” I just wanted to make sure so we could clear the air.”
* Don’t be so quick to unfriend/unfollow. It is a nice feature to have at the click of a button, but impulsively severing friendships can cause more damage and be harder to repair.
Technology and social networks have connected everyone in so many amazing ways. It has also changed how we communicate, interpret and interact creating positive and negative impacts.
Abigail R. C. McManus M.S Negotiation and Conflict Management
Apprentice
Decisions! Decisions! Decisions! – Addressing Indecisiveness in the Workplace
People have trouble making decisions. The influx of information in our society has been rumored the cause of indecisiveness; people have too many options. An abundance of information may be the cause, but it goes deeper than that, fear can be the cause of indecision.
Larry Crane co-creator of The Release Technique wrote on SelfGrowth.com, “Often, it is not the end action that creates the most fear; it is the decision to act or not act.” Crane goes on to say, “Since life offers no guarantees, and you would never know that your decision would be wrong until you have made it, then you might as well let go of all of your fear, take the risk, and decide.”
When you are in conflict, indecisiveness occurs because you want to make the right decision, you don’t want to further a disagreement, and you don’t want backlash from the decision you make. Leaders of groups and organizations may find themselves in trouble if they become too indecisive about making a decision. Many conflicts or issues that arise need quick thinking and executive decisions to proceed further. Indecisions can slow things down and cause impatience and frustration in others. Leaders who don’t enjoy conflict may find themselves avoiding, which further slows the decision-making process.
I worked at an organization, where we were broken into teams and at the end of each month we were required to reach a certain number of sales. Our leader was very laid back and friendly with all team members. One of the team members, we will call her Sandy, was the leader’s best friend outside of work. Sandy was not the best worker; she spent most of her days gossiping and did the bare minimum. Some of my tasks were contingent on Sandy completing hers, which she was not. I approached our leader about Sandy. Her face looked pained as she informed me that others had already approached her regarding Sandy, and she was trying to decide what to do about the issue. The end of the month came, and we didn’t meet our numbers, and our team got in trouble with our leader’s boss. The team’s dynamic began to shift to annoyance and anger with our leader for not handling the Sandy situation. Finally, after two months of failing to meet numbers Sandy was fired. Our leader apologized to the team after Sandy was let go. She said she couldn’t decide what to do. Does she keep Sandy and change the team’s tasks and assignments angering the team or does she fire her which could result in their friendship ending? Her fear and concern led to indecisiveness and inaction.
An organization’s success is contingent on many measures, and leadership is key. Leaders must make tough decisions. If you are a leader, and you avoid conflict and therefore, making difficult choices the success of your team and meeting the organization’s mission could be at risk for failure. Our leader feared losing her friendship and confronting the conflict resulting in the lost respect of her employees., Her indecisiveness kept her stuck. What can leaders do to get unstuck and make those tough decisions?
Tip # 1: Know your end goal. Every time you have to make a tough decision think of what you ultimately want for your employees, customers and organization.
Tip #2: Name the fear. Identify what exactly is the thing you fear most. Naming it lessens the power it has over you.
Tip # 3: Limit your choices. Then, analyze the disadvantages and advantages or your choices. Too many variables and options cause many to feel overwhelmed and make no decision at all.
Tip # 4: When in doubt, chart it out. Spreadsheets, graphs, lists, whatever your preference, use any chart that can visually assist you in making a decision.
Decision-making can be gut-wrenching especially when in conflict or the stakes are high. Being decisive and courageous builds character, confidence and credibility. Now, go make that decision!
Abigail R. C. McManus M.S Negotiation and Conflict Management
Apprentice
Become a Virtual Judge or Have Your Case Settled on the Net- Part 2
Brāv is a new way for people of any age to find a solution to bullying, violence, and conflict. Find out why this is so important and join our guest, Remi Alli to learn how to settle family, school, and workplace disputes online.
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Become a Virtual Judge or Have Your Case Settled on the Net- Part 1
Brāv is a new way for people of any age to find a solution to bullying, violence, and conflict. Find out why this is so important and join our guest, Remi Alli to learn how to settle family, school, and workplace disputes online.
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Conflict in Cross Cultural Groups: Lessons to Prevent and Manage It
Modern technology and various transportation options have allowed for the cooperation of people across the world. Specifically in today’s work environment, employees are now working internationally with many different individuals and in some cases these people differ in age, gender, race, language, culture or nationality. In the article, Cross Cultural Conflict Resolution in Teams, John Ford goes into detail about the difficulties of international teamwork and also offers some lessons to prevent and manage conflict in situations that require teamwork.
Ford states that conflict is a major contributor to failure in groups. It is important to be mindful of the fact that various cultures react to conflict in different ways. One example of these cultural differences is communication styles. Communication in a group can either be expressive or restrained. While some cultures might focus on eye contact and physical touch, others might be less interested in physical touch and dodge eye contact. Furthermore, communication differences in relationships and level of directness can be seen throughout many cultures. In some cultures it is important to be direct and get to the point. Individuals from this type of culture would probably be upset by people who dodge the relevant questions and instead focus on personal matters. In contrast, the people from the second culture, who prefer addressing personal matters first, might be offended by the directness or aggressiveness of the individuals from the first culture. That being said, in the second culture it could be the norm to create a relationship with peers before tackling a project.
Ford goes on to explain that varying communication styles are not the direct cause of conflict. Instead, conflict can arise when judgments are made due to the different styles. He uses an example of a team member who strongly and loudly expresses opinions on subjects. An individual from a less vocal culture may see this behavior as arrogant or even rude. On the other hand, the individual with the strong opinion might deem the timid team member untrustworthy because he or she is quiet and does not hold eye contact. Variances in communication styles are only one example of the many differences between cultures that could cause conflict.
When working with a diverse group of people, it is important to be patient and mindful of any differences. Ford provides seven lessons to help foster better teamwork between unique individuals. The first lesson he mentions involves knowing yourself and your own culture. It is important and valuable to understand yourself and your own culture so that you can compare other cultures more effectively. The second lesson states the importance of learning the culture of the other individuals. Since cultures are dynamic, it is nearly impossible to fully understand them without experiencing them first hand. However, studying a culture by reading literature or watching films can still help prepare you for cooperation. The third lesson is called “check your assumptions”. In this section, Ford stresses the dangers of assumptions. It is important to stay open-minded and seek different interpretations to situations. Inaccurate assumptions or false judgments often lead to negative stereotypes.
The next lesson suggests focusing on asking questions instead of assuming that you know and understand a foreign culture. Asking questions not only shows respect, but it can also prevent conflicts by providing clarification. In the next lesson Ford suggests simply listening as an important tool for conflict prevention. Listening can provide a lot of valuable information about a foreign culture. The sixth step encourages you to consider the platinum rule. While somewhat similar to the “golden rule”, the platinum rule says to treat your team members how they would like to be treated rather than how we would like to be treated. Ford’s final lesson is about the fact that culture is so diverse and spread out. Therefore, instead of learning specific strategies for cross cultural conflicts, it would be more beneficial for us to assume that all our conversations deal with different cultures. We can utilize the lessons provided by Ford in our own lives every day.
John Wagner
Student Intern
Salisbury University – Conflict Analysis and Dispute Resolution
Reference:
Ford, John. “Cross Cultural Conflict Resolution in Teams.” Mediate.com. Oct. 2001. Web. 29 Mar. 2015.
The Quest for Conflict Intelligence: How Questions Help Us Find Our Way Through Conflict
Conflict is a dynamic and unfolding process which can be rich with opportunities to explore and understand perspectives. Cinnie Noble, a pioneer of conflict management coaching created the CINERGY™ model in 1999. In her own discovery and journey, she coined the term “conflict intelligence” to mean the competence in our self-awareness, insight into others, and the knowledge and skills to manage interpersonal conflict effectively. In her most recent book, Conflict Mastery: Questions to Guide You, she will discuss how questions and the use of metaphors can be skillfully used to explore how one might think or feel differently about the conflict they are experiencing.
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