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Stop the Dreaded Drama and End Destructive Conflict

Pattie2(Dec2012)zena ZumetaWe have all experienced the drama when we engage in destructive and dysfunctional conflict. It is draining, damaging and downright unhealthy. Zena Zumeta will talk with the Texas Conflict Coach, Pattie Porter to discuss her new Minibuk Stop the Dreaded Drama: 55 Tips for Ending Destructive Conflict and highlight strategies to withdraw from the drama, reevaluate the situation, and reenter the conflict from a healthier and constructive approach.

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Puzzle of Life: Where Does Conflict Fit?

Conflict is one piece of many in this puzzle we call life. One must know how to strategically place it into the puzzle so it does not interfere with the big picture called life. The conflict piece can come in many forms and shapes because it is forever changing. Intrapersonal picAs the puzzle master, one must use recognition and discovery to solve the pattern. There might perhaps, be a time where the piece may not fit perfectly. It is up to the individual to determine the correct place to put the piece in order to solve the puzzle.

To begin solving the puzzle it is important to start with the conflict(s) occurring within oneself. Conflicts occurring within are known in the conflict resolution field as intrapersonal conflict. The prefix intra as described by Dictionary.com is a prefix meaning “within”. These types of conflicts develop from our own, thoughts, ideas, values, emotions, assumptions, and self-criticism, etc.

Have you ever had a conversation with yourself? Felt restlessness or uneasiness about a certain situation? These thoughts and emotions can be described as intrapersonal conflict. For example, a friend was telling me about an internal problem she has been having recently. Over the past few months she has been contemplating about whether or not to purchase a new home. She is currently in an apartment and having a problem with the neighbor living above her. During the night she can hear the neighbor’s television, loud arguing, doors slamming and the smell of smoke coming through the vents. The thought of home owning seems very appeasing at the moment. She has never confronted the neighbor for fear of unnecessary tension between the two. Instead she bottles it up and acts as if a problem does not exist until the noise and smoke appear. Because she is the only one aware of the problem she does not consider it a conflict. It is only if and when she confronts the neighbor that she has engaged in interpersonal conflict…now we all know there is a problem.

To combat interpersonal conflict, there are several avenues she can make: retaliate and make noise of her own during odd hours, burn incense to block out the smoke coming through the vents, forgo speaking to the neighbor and contact the rental office, request a new apartment, confront the neighbor, etc. Making the wrong decision can have a major impact on her life. Questions she should consider are: what affect will the smoke have on my health, how will the decision affect my personal life, why should I stay, what options should I consider if I stay or move?

For additional help on developing questions for your interpersonal conflict consider The CINERGY® Conflict Management Coaching Blog – ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) by Cinnie Noble.

Yvette Watson Jenkins
University of Baltimore Negotiation and Conflict Management

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Co-Workers from Hell: Lessons from Conflict Coaching Experts

 

Pattie-fade.jpg (smaller)StephenKotev2Whether you are at the water cooler, in the hallway or stuck in a never- ending meeting, we all have to deal with co-workers from hell. Join Pattie Porter and Stephen Kotev to learn lessons from conflict coaching experts on how to respond differently, effectively and constructively to the most challenging of coworkers. We will provide a couple of typical workplace scenarios and play out what typically happens, and then share lessons and strategies for how to do it differently.

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Sensing, Defining, and Solving Problems:The Source of All Conflict for Individuals and Organizations

 The GAP between what is and what could or should be, on any dimension of human existence, is what creates conflict. With this fundamental perspective, conflict thus represents the human potential for growth or stagnation — depending on how conflict is managed. What gap has top priority? What is the source of the gap and, in essence, the right definition of the problem? What solution will close the gap, given that definition of the problem? How will that solution be implemented and be put to effective use? Which of five conflict modes (competing, collaborating, compromising, accommodating, and avoiding) is most effective at answering each of these recurring questions?

Join us as we speak with Dr. Ralph Kilmann, senior consultant for Kilmann Diagnostics, Inc. and the author of the renowned conflict assessment tool the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument.

Click on Ralph Kilmann or for more information go to  Kilmann Diagnostics for more information on Advanced Training in Conflict Management and The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) and take the TKI online.

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