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• Empathy – How Do We Build It?

  

  In our second episode of the series Conflict and Empathy: Where Has Empathy and Compassion Gone?, Edwin Rutsch and I will discuss how do we build empathy and compassion? Edwin will discuss a number of strategies he has implemented at the Center for Building a Culture of Empathy. One strategy has been the use of Empathy Circles using empathic reflective listening with individuals and groups. He will share real life examples and will model the skill. Read, Listen, Share »

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Recent Blog Posts

• Peaceful Alternatives – Building a Stronger Family Unit

  National Family Month which is recognized in the month of May“is an important step toward building a nation of confident kids and growing stronger and healthier families. The celebration was created by KidsPeace to raise awareness and underscore the importance of family. National Family Month provides an opportunity for families to share special times together, to develop or renew relationships, identify or rediscover needs and to remind everyone of the importance of family involvement in raising healthy, confident kids for America’s future.”

  Since conflict is inevitable, it is vital that we are able to navigate successfully through conflict situations. This is especially important for those of us who have children in the home. The home is a place where our children will learn the basic elements for dealing with difficult situations. It is where they grow and develop; hence it is the place where they need to feel safe and nurtured. A recent study by the University of Oregon psychological scientist, Alice Graham, found that even modest levels of parental discord can have a profound and lasting effect on infants’ basic brain functions. The study also determined that infants in these types of circumstances are left ultra-sensitive to negative emotions, which translates to children with no confidence resulting from low self-esteem.

  There are many types of family structures such as single-parent, adoptive parents, blended families etc. All families experience times of conflict and disagreement, and in fact a reasonable amount of conflict if dealt with constructively, is a necessary part of a healthy relationship. However, we must be aware of the developing minds of our children and the consequences of unhealthy environments. Therefore, when dealing with conflict in the home, we need to be respectful and handle situations in a manner that prevents negative effects on our children. They are the future and we must ensure that we equip them with positive tools for resolving conflicts in a peaceful manner.

  Here are few tips for negotiating conflicts from the here-to-listen.com website:

  1. Listen to each other
  2. Speak respectfully to each other
  3. Separate issues from people
  4. Consider the wants and needs of yourself and others as important
  5. Look for solutions that are in the best interest of the relationship
  6. Be open to various solutions

  If you would like to know more about National Family month, please visit KidsPeace, also please stay tuned for our upcoming May radio series When Families Collide – Constructive Conflict Interventions. We will be featuring topics such as Parenting Discipline for Toddlers to Teens: How to Avoid the ‘Countdown to Meltdown’ with Barbara Sugarman Grochal, Director of the Schools Conflict Resolution Education Program at the Center for Dispute Resolution at the UM – King Carey School of Law.

  Authored by Mia Brooms
  Graduate Student Intern

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• When Families Collide: Taking Care of Our Elder Loved Ones

  When your parents age and health problems set in, learning how to share the responsibility for their care can become very complicated. One of the most common causes of sibling elder-care conflicts is that one sibling winds up taking almost all the responsibility. Another cause is one sibling managing all the finances. It is surprising that many families in these situations rocket right back to their childhood roles in the family.

  However, there are ways to ward off sibling conflicts; one would be having a family meeting to talk about what needs to get done. Education helps as well; if one sibling is well-informed on their parent’s illness or caregiving issues, sending information to the other siblings so that not just one person knows everything would be beneficial.

  Utilizing a divide-and-conquer approach such as delegating various responsibilities to different siblings helps. For example, various aspects of caregiving such as managing insurance claims, scheduling doctor visits, handling financial affairs and coordinating other service care providers would ensure that all of the responsibility never lies on one person. And whatever you do, don’t send an overburdened caregiver sibling a postcard from your Caribbean vacation saying, “We’re having a great time! Wish you were here.”

  If you would like to know more about how to handle such conflicts among siblings, please stay tuned for our upcoming April radio series on When Families Collide: Caring for our Elder Loved Ones. You can also access archived podcasts such as Transforming Difficult Decision Making in Elder Care Planning with Louise Phipps Senft, Baltimore Mediation Center.

  Authored by Mia Brooms
  Graduate Student Intern

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• Elder Mediation: Family Disputes Over Caregiving

  When families are faced with the long-term care arrangements for their aging parents and relatives, feelings of resentment, anger and jealousy that have festered since childhood often create new problems as families learn to cope and prepare for the road ahead. Instead of working together, families can get stuck placing blame.

  For the aging parent or relative, they are faced with losing their independence and the reality that they now have to rely on family for more support. However, when negative emotions surface it threatens vital emotional and physical care for the elder loved one. I agree that this transition is often hard on everyone involved but fighting will not solve anything. I know this is easier said than done, but the ultimate goal should be to provide the best quality care for your loved one.

  So how do we get past those feelings of resentment, anger and jealousy and move toward a place of unity as we provide long-term care for our loved ones? The key is open communication, and a good strategy to facilitate the exchange of ideas is by having a family meeting. A family meeting will provide a forum where all members can express their feelings and where ideas and strategies of possible care giving options are explored.

  However, there are times when this method doesn’t work and the family meeting turns into a screaming match about who has done what over the years or who has not been pulling their weight. It is at this point that the option of having a neutral third-party may be necessary. One such option is Elder Mediation; it provides an opportunity for the elder and all concerned members of the family to participate in creating a thoughtful plan for the future. This is done with the help of a mediator who is trained in issues relating to estates and elder care. The mediator helps facilitate family discussions on matters such as finances and care giving options. The goal is to help those involved come up with a strategy for moving forward that is balanced for everyone involved.

  Watch this CBS video “The Caregivers: Sibling Disputes Over Care” or to learn more about eldercare mediation, visit the National Eldercare Mediator Network. Or, you can listen to a past archived program “Who’s In Charge? – Managing Difficult Decisions Around a Parent’s Care.”

  Stay tuned for our upcoming April radio series family conflict with our elder loved ones.

  Authored by Mia Brooms
  Graduate Student Intern

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